Unified theory 5: Mindfucker's Bible

Unified theory 5: Mindfucker's Bible

The only way that you will ever learn how not to be manipulated is to learn how to manipulate people yourself. In this case you must become the beast to know the beast.

For a long time, I wondered why manipulation victims have a hard time seeing what really goes on in manipulative interactions. At first, I was tempted to fault them. But I've learned that they get hoodwinked for some very good reasons:

A manipulator's aggression is not obvious. Our gut may tell us that they're fighting for something, struggling to overcome us, gain power, or have their way, and we find ourselves unconsciously on the defensive. But because we can't point to clear, objective evidence they're aggressing against us, we can't readily validate our feelings.

The tactics manipulators use can make it seem like they're hurting, caring, defending, ..., almost anything but fighting. These tactics are hard to recognize as merely clever ploys. They always make just enough sense to make a person doubt their gut hunch that they're being taken advantage of or abused. Besides, the tactics not only make it hard for you to consciously and objectively tell that a manipulator is fighting, but they also simultaneously keep you or consciously on the defensive. These features make them highly effective psychological weapons to which anyone can be vulnerable. It's hard to think clearly when someone has you emotionally on the run.

All of us have weaknesses and insecurities that a clever manipulator might exploit. Sometimes, we're aware of these weaknesses and how someone might use them to take advantage of us. For example, I hear parents say things like: "Yeah, I know I have a big guilt button." – But at the time their manipulative child is busily pushing that button, they can easily forget what's really going on. Besides, sometimes we're unaware of our biggest vulnerabilities. Manipulators often know us better than we know ourselves. They know what buttons to push, when and how hard. Our lack of self-knowledge sets us up to be exploited.

What our gut tells us a manipulator is like, challenges everything we've been taught to believe about human nature. We've been inundated with a psychology that has us seeing everybody, at least to some degree, as afraid, insecure or "hung-up." So, while our gut tells us we're dealing with a ruthless conniver, our head tells us they must be really frightened or wounded "underneath." What's more, most of us generally hate to think of ourselves as callous and insensitive people. We hesitate to make harsh or seemingly negative judgments about others. We want to give them the benefit of the doubt and assume they don't really harbor the malevolent intentions we suspect. We're more apt to doubt and blame ourselves for daring to believe what our gut tells us about our manipulator's character.

If you want to succeed as a manipulator you need to know the methods manipulators use.

1) Use subtlety, merely suggest. Denial is key, so keep from direct influence.

If it looks like they are wrong, it is much easier to make a half truth look like confused information.

2) Engage emotions, not intellect.

Rational people cannot be manipulated, only ones ruled by emotion.

3) Create a cult of personality.

You want poeple infatuated with you, this means cultivating an appearance or legendary status.

4) Never look like you are fighting, this only indicates battles of wills.

Never use aggressive tactics otherwise your cover is blown wide open.

5) Always look for emotional motivators and trigers.

Every emotion is either repellant or attractive. Find the pattern and use it to get results.

6) Use the push and pull method. (the Higelean dialectic)

Set up something to avoid, then setup something they are attracted to, offer your solution on how to get there.

7) Engage their defense mechanism.

By getting them on the defensive you can quickly see how they handle problems.

8) Ignore their actions and only give attention to them when they behave the way you desire.

When you have people trying to please you, you know you have them induced. You have become their mother figure and they will seek your approval.

9) If caught in a plot, rationalize your actions.

Not only will rationalization remove internal resistance, but it will prevent others from getting on your back.

10) Use diversion to distract or change the focus or subject.

Use evasive awnsers or seemingly relevant responses that are actually giving them the slip.

11) Learn to look in the eyes of someone you love and lie like hell.

Learn to lie to poeple convincingly and without flinching. Be aware of your body language and respond appropriately to theirs. Remember it is your emotions that give you away, but if you camoflage your emotions you will prey on them successfully.

12) Use covert intimidation to your advantage.

Never directly threaten them, instead imply that which is to be feared. Keep your victims in a one-down position and use veiled threats. Use guilt or shame to get to those already infatuated with pleasing you.

13) Shame them with sarcasim, make them feel unworthy.

If they have a continuous sense of inadequacy they will not feel that they are capable of acting on their own behalf without your direction. This will help to ensure your dominance.

14) Make them think that you are a victim of circumstance or someone elses behavior.

By gaining their symathy and compassion you can milk them dry without them even knowing it.

15) Turn the victim into the villan.

By turning the actual victim into a bully the manipulator only appears to be defending themselves. By putting your target on the defensive early you will mask your intentions while inducing their offense.

16) Appear to be a noble public servant.

By pretending to be working hard on someone else's behalf, manipulators conceal their own ambition, desire for power, and quest for a position of dominance over others. Ministers and government officials are just one example of this "self-sacrificing" role.

17) Blame others, find a scapegoat.

Maniplators are not only skilled at finding scapegoats, they are also expert at doing so in subtle ways.

18) Minimize.

Make your actions seem like a molehilll instead of a mountain. By minimizing the impact of your behavior you deflect the bulk of the negative emotion while by making a seeming admission, you cultivate a sense of honesty.

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So how do you deal with a manipulator?

They crave pity. They want you to feel sorry for them, so you’ll offer your services regularly without expecting anything in return.

The manipulator Will be your friend as long as you’re available for favors, when you’re not available they’ll quickly dump you.

They don't really like you (hey, they don't like themselves) and may even be envious of you. However, they do need you. They'll play the ‘buddy game' to get what they want. Don't be fooled!

Manipulators are self-centered. They may ask for a lot of assistance, not taking into consideration you have a busy life of your own.

Pay close attention to back handed comments. This is what your moocher really thinks of you.

You need to:

Use the word “No!”

Understand it doesn't matter how much you aid or how long you counsel your user, they will never appreciate your good deeds. They'll laugh behind your back; feeling satisfied that they were able to “con” something else out of you.

Look out for yourself first. A leech can keep you from achieving your goals, financially or otherwise. Don't get sidetracked by volunteering to pay bills or put aside your business affairs; Suggest to the person that they must seek help elsewhere.

Let the relationship go. They may gossip about you brutally and turn everyone against you, but just remember this: They were going to do that anyway. Protect yourself from the vicious mooch with manipulative behavior and soon, you'll be comparing notes with their other victims.

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So who has been manipulating you?

To put someone on the aggressive try some of these tricks.

If you are having an argument with someone and they are getting annoyed, just keep saying "calm down" or "why are you getting so annoyed". It gets people riled up like you wouldn't believe. My ex-wife used this all the time.

When you're accusing someone of believing X and they say Y, respond with, "Don't you really mean X?"

Example, Drew is accusing his partner, Leah, of placating her family.

Leah: I just want to go to this family reunion because I'll enjoy it.

Drew: Don't you really mean that you're going because it's expected of you?

Another thing I find works quite well is to sit back with your arms folded. Body language counts. If and When the other person asks why you are sitting like that, tell them you are being defensive. When they ask "why you are being defensive" simply say "well obviously you are being aggressive".

This immediately makes them then begin to look aggressive to bystanders and witnesses, thus putting you in control.

It's also effective, to make an accusation, possibly outlandish, and to classify any rebuttal as defensiveness.

Christina: You never do anything constructive.

David: That's not true; of course I do.

Christina: Then why are you being so defensive?

Of course, after succeeding in getting them pissed with manipulative tactics, it's effective to say, "Why are you getting so angry?"

Alot of times women use crying. It's the ultimate manipulation. If you can cry easily, it supposedly makes your emotions more important than the non-crying party. It's completely untrue, but it does something to the dynamic that fools people into thinking that this is so. Suddenly, they become the big meanie, and you're the sobbing mess that they've created.

Doesn't work with everyone. For example, anyone who knows that this is manipulation (like me) will only find it worse, though it might prompt them to give up dealing with you, if that's your goal. Also, watch out for people that try to aggravate you in such a way that they only relent once you start crying. Some people really do that. They are angry at you, and the only way that they'll be satisfied that they've adequately conveyed this to you is if they reduce you to tears. Then again, being able to cry on the spot makes arguments with these people a lot quicker.

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http://maventime.com/node/89

Ever met 'Manipulative Mike?'

Sun, 12/07/2008 - 13:28 — maventimeATgmail.com

In today's day and age, having good intentions and being a good person is not enough. As Niccolo Machiavelli said, "Any person who tries to be good all the time is bound to come to ruin among the great number who are not good." What that means is that if we want to be good, we need the ability to recognize the qualities of duplicituous people so that we can protect ourself. Many of us have learn't that just because we want to mind our business and go about our lives queitly doesn't mean that we don't come in contact with others with alternate agendas. In this series we will be exploring different people we come in contact with that are a hinderance to living a peaceful life.

Meet Manipulative Mike

Mike is the kind of guy who seems interested in everything you do. Mike is looking for your weaknesses. While he is smiling away, nodding intently and agreeing with everything you are saying, he is silently searching for what is useful to him. Don't let that smile fool you.Mike can use your assets in a number of ways. Little details about your life will say a lot about you. He is trying to get information about you. You see, the more he knows about you, the more he can use that information for his own purposes. He is just pretending to care about you because that makes you talk more and reveal more. Mike actually doesn't care about what you think or say. Everything you say is going through Mike's mental filter. He is queitly categorizing what you are saying into buckets in his head. "Ok, this may be useful later...hmm, not relevant...ah, this could come in very handy."Mike is looking out for any emotional reactions you may reveal like quivers in your voice. Emotional reactions are vulnerabilities and sores. These are the places where you seek sympathy and seek to heal. It is these wounds that 'Manipulative Mikes' seek to exploit for their own purposes.

Intention Mike always has a motive. Mike is relying on you trusting on what you can see: his facial expression, body language and actions so that he can hide what you cannot see: his intention. Mike prides himself in being able to hide that motive through layers of duplicitiousness. His goal is to use you as a pawn for his scheme. He wants to use something that you have: personal qualities, connections, money, skills, etc to get what he wants.Mike makes a very sharp distinction between his immediate family and 'others.' Everyone else other than immediate family is Mike's pawn in the game of life.

Giving up Self-protection

Mike is looking for any insecurities or vulnerabilities that you may have suffered. What are the things that have hurt you in the past? The sooner you forge a commitment with Mike, the faster that his game can start without you suspecting what is really going on.You see, trust is a very interesting thing. Once we've established that we can trust someone, after that point we don't like to continually recheck that assumption. Manipulators thrive in this environment. All they have to do is to go through the physical motions. With enough physical motions, actions, gestures, verbal expressions, they will have built trust and forged a commitment with you. After that, they can do all their nefarious actions and keep justifying their exploitation through mock-anger and self-rightousness. These people are very likely to gasp and exclaim: "How could you say that about me? Haven't I been there for you when you most needed me?"They are relying that their game will never be figured out by you. They are relying on the fact that you will always feel closer to them than they will ever feel towards you. They hide behind the blanket of trust you have for them. Always be conscious and question the basis behind why you trust them.

Are they truly worth your trust?

Have they earned it?

Or have you given them the trust without them deserving it?

Imagine that your child has a relationship with such a person. What would you ask them to look out for?

Beware of Over-revealing

Be careful about revealing your unhappiness to the 'Manipulative Mikes.' When it becomes convenient, it is these sores of unhappiness that the Mikes want to blow out of proportion for their own purposes. They will take your grievances and keep reinforcing your pain to make you seem like a victim. Then while you are busy nursing your pains, Mike will slowly put his plans into action. You will be so busy studying your own wounds that you won't be watching Mike. Besides, no one in your life before had shown you this much attention. And here is Mike, seeming to just overwhelm you with attention and affection. He comes across as being like your long lost brother. You are besides yourself and start revealing your life story. That is exactly what Mike wants.

Understanding Mike Manipulative Mikes are generally people that never understood how to have trusting relationships. In their childhood they probably felt severely deprived at some point. That deprivation caused a scar on their soul. While going through different circumstances, they will see or hear things that make them feel that scar.Because it is a scar that they never dealt with, they feel a deep fear whenever they feel that scar.

They react to that fear. They are driven to overcompensate for whatever physical resource it was that caused them to feel so severely deprived. They feel starved without plenty of it. They never want to feel that pain again. The fear of feeling that pain again is enough for them to do whatever it takes to never feel that pain again. They don't feel like they have what it takes to satisfy that deep craving. They are starving without it. In their desperation, they are hell bent on achieving that goal at any cost. Because they have never learn't how to achieve full satisfaction from their own gifts, they need to 'borrow' from other people's gifts.

So why don't they just 'ask?' Well, asking seems so unsophisticated. It seems so unrefined and uncultured to just say, "I need this, can you help me out?" Mike may not have been brought up by loving and caring people who valued honesty and straightforward dealings.
I have met many people who have been hurt by Manipulative Mike. I am one of them. This is what helped me to live with the hurt I felt.

Collusion If the prize is important enough to Mike, and they feel that they might be caught stealing, they are bound to forge a temporary alliance with someone like-minded. Temporary, because apart from immediate family, Mike has no need for people to trust him. Why invest in people when another one will do as well as this one?

Again, if the prize is worth it, Mike is willing to put a lot of work towards achieving his goal. This includes creating signals between the partners so that only they understand what is going on. Think about how a baseball pitcher communicates with a catcher with thousands of people watching them. Think about poker games where two people are looking to game everyone else.
To catch them, the trick is to not just focus on one of them but focus on all the communication taking place with bodily language, facial expression and voice emphasis between them. Do they have a seperate agenda from the mood shared by every one else? Are their eyes shifty? Are they playing off of each other?

Testing People Out When you come in contact with people like Mike, there are different things we can do to see how genuine they are:

Knowing that the responsibility for trusting someone else lies in us is the first part . Test the Manipulative Mikes from different angles and see how they respond. See if they are genuinely interested in you or are they just pretending to for some ulterior motives. Try to gain some insight into this persons intentions. Do you have a real rapport with this individual or are they just agreeable about everything you say and do? Try to determine the individual's background and aspirations and where they might see that you fit in their 'plans.' With a few exceptions time is the best test of people. Most duplicitious people want to rush you into whatever it is that they want you to do. If you're not taking the bait, they want to move onto the next potential victim. For Mike, people are very easily replaceable. They feel that life has very limited opportunities and that they have to take full advantage of each circumstance at any cost. Make an assessment of yourself and take inventory of all the connections, good looks, skills, money, friends, etc that you have that this person would want. A lot of these people strike on people who are under-valuing themself.

Finally there is an example here of how the Elite at Cornel university calculated the induction cycle based on resource availablity. If silent weapons for quiet wars was a bedtime story, this would be the type of data it was based on.

SOCIAL IDENTITY AND MANIPULATIVE INTERHOUSEHOLD TRANSFERS AMONG EAST AFRICAN PASTORALISTS

http://afsnrm.aem.cornell.edu/Presentations/SocialIdentityPewMay2002.ppt

This should give you a glimpse into the mind of the manipulator and their methods. Either use them to your advantage by defending against the attacks of the manipulator, or take them to heart and become the predator.

Either way, Save Yourself.

EXTRA CREDIT: How does this relate to 9-11, or Swine Flu?